Best Friends

Let me start this blog post by saying this: PLEASE do not think this is about you. Any of you. This is about me. These are my thoughts, feelings, rantings, etc. It is my time to be selfish and talk about me and my needs. So, here I go.

Growing up, I always had a "best friend." We would do everything together, and we liked all of the same things. Into middle school and high school, I had one or two. Again, we were inseparable. Sleepovers were pretty much a weekly thing, we could talk on the phone for hours, and I knew I could trust them with everything. However, after we graduated, we grew apart which is unfortunately normal.

As an adult (did I really just label myself as an adult? yuck!), I have found myself longing for that "best friend." Someone I could hang out with often, text all of the time about nothing and everything, and confide in. I wanted to just enjoy each other's company all of the time no matter what chapter of life we were in. Once I thought I had found "the one," something would happen where I would feel let down. I always felt like I was the one who put all of the effort into making the friendship work. If the other person didn't text me, then I thought there was something wrong. If the other person didn't include me like I wanted to include them, then I felt sad and like I did something to offend them. I constantly feel like I love more than I am loved. I blamed myself for trying too hard because I figured I was being too needy. Remember my post about Belle? I was serious when I said I don't give up easily.

Well, as it turns out, my personality is the reason I am being let down. What am I talking about? you ask? Let me explain:

At work, we took a very simple personality test called The Enneagram. This test helps us understand our motives, needs, and fears from a spiritual standpoint. For those of you who don't know, I work for a Christian preschool. 

This test said: I am "The Helper." Caring, generous, possessive. You have a problem, I am here to help you... My driving need/motive behind my actions is to be loved. I am a caretaker, loving, and I have a servant's heart. My basic fear is being unworthy of love, and I desire to be loved. My downfall is feeling resentment towards others because I feel let down by everyone because I don't feel like I am being loved like I am giving. What I need to do is stop, think, and remember that I am loved. People show love differently. I should also stop trying to take care of others and take care of myself.

When I got those results, I seriously almost cried. Yeah, I know, I'm emotional. This is spot on. Right on the money. I know that I am a good friend and am willing to sacrifice parts of my life to make time for others. It's a little harder now with a baby, but I love hanging out with people. I love being around others. I am such an extroverted, outgoing, bubbly person that being away from my friends is hard for me. When I don't get that need filled, it hurts. That's why I felt like there was an empty place that I needed to fill with a "best friend," but every time I tried to fill it, I was let down.

However, I do know someone who will NEVER let me down. He will always be there, and He absolutely loves me way more than I could ever love. He is the ultimate best friend. His name is Jesus. In fact, He loves me so much, He paid for my sins on the cross and saved me from my sins. He loves to listen to me talk to Him all of the time, and I have no doubt that He hears me. Yes, it is still hard for me not to label someone as my "best friend" other than my husband of course, but Jesus has filled that spot and He isn't going anywhere! 

I can say with joy in my heart that I do have some amazing close friends, but labeling someone as a "best friend" will only let me down in the end. I praise God for the people He has put into my life. Things change, people change, but He remains the same yesterday, today and forever!